The ideas of courting and the act of courtship for many is a foreign concept, one that seems corny and out of date. However if you get past the cheesy idea of actually caring about someone in a public manner that shows you care (as difficult as that may be... *rolls eyes*) the classic 'date' is not a soppy idea but in fact a smart one...
We romanticise the era of first dates at drive in cinemas, where you split of drink and kiss behind the menu as if the idea of going on a 'real date' doesn't exist, when in reality it does and is one of the easiest and most enjoyable things you can do in a relationship. It seems that world of dating people through an app is easier than meeting the right person in real life and that we are too busy to have dinner on a Friday night, which is all total b*llocks (I mean you would eat dinner on a Friday night anyway, why not go somewhere nice and eat with company instead?) as we are just full of excuses and reasons to say no, rather than reasons to say yes.
Time and time again I am scrolling through my social media feeds or over hearing conversations on public transport about how they wish that their significant other would be more romantic or show their affection more often, blah, blah, moaning blah... Which part of me wants to gloat and think about how lucky I am to have Connor, who can say the most lovely things without realising and be super cute and romantic (when he wants to be) however the other part of me is more confused that this notion of romance has a time period attached to it, as if it's got old and tired and slowly worn out.
Whilst I like to think that the best moments in a relationship or the ones that are unplanned and spontaneous, I am a realist and know that in the midsts of life's busy workload and the 101 things we are always trying to achieve that the spark of romance often needs to be scheduled in like an appointment. Which ironically, doesn't sound all that romantic. With that aside, whether you live together or far apart, planning a set day of the week or perhaps every two or at the very worst once a month (or if you're really far apart with countries between you, as often as you can - however I would say once a month should be the longest) for you and your partner to just be together, in the moment, no distractions and just focused on each other is super important in being part of a healthy and mature relationship.
New relationships always seem the most exciting because in that 'getting to know each other process' you go on dates to lots of different places to figure each other out and work out the likes and the dislikes. But for some reason we whittle this out of our routine when we have that person 'figured out' and once labeled with the girlfriend and boyfriend tags we don't feel the need to things like go ice skating or bowling or even dinner, because we know we like them and it's all easy from now on... Erm no. Dates are not just for those new couples that seem annoying when you're single or been together so long you know when the person is going to fart before they do. Dates are for spending time with your loved one away from work emails, stress, your phone, everything. All the focus is on you as a couple enjoying each others company, which means that there are an unlimited amount of date ideas that you can always be coming up with to keep your relationship feeling as fresh and exciting as week one.
New relationships always seem the most exciting because in that 'getting to know each other process' you go on dates to lots of different places to figure each other out and work out the likes and the dislikes. But for some reason we whittle this out of our routine when we have that person 'figured out' and once labeled with the girlfriend and boyfriend tags we don't feel the need to things like go ice skating or bowling or even dinner, because we know we like them and it's all easy from now on... Erm no. Dates are not just for those new couples that seem annoying when you're single or been together so long you know when the person is going to fart before they do. Dates are for spending time with your loved one away from work emails, stress, your phone, everything. All the focus is on you as a couple enjoying each others company, which means that there are an unlimited amount of date ideas that you can always be coming up with to keep your relationship feeling as fresh and exciting as week one.
When you live together, you can feel like you see them all the time and you live in each others pockets so you don't need to make that extra effort to spend quality time together. This is where you are going wrong. Because you are what feels like constantly together you tend to only see the 'unglamorous' parts of your life as a couple. Doing daily tasks around the house like washing dirty clothes, cleaning the bathroom, taking the bins out - all the gross parts of running a house that ultimately isn't a turn on is what makes that 'spark' disappear because all you start to associate that person with is chores and the unwanted bits of house duties.
Leading on from this point, one of the reasons marriages fall apart is because they fall out of love with the idea of the person their spouse has become, when in reality if they sat down and spent that one on one time together they would see that person they fell for when they first tied the knot and see that behind the stresses of daily life, deep down they are still the same person. Now don't get me wrong I'm not saying that a date is going to cure all marriage problems but a string of reasons that married couples fight and argue so much is all about losing that romantic connection and not feeling the same emotions that they did at the beginning.
So make sure that you are always either doing things you both want to do, or rotating between your choice and their choice each week to keep things fair and happy on a middle ground. As you may not want to be doing anything fancy or over the top, it could be as simple as taking a walk along the beach at night and sitting down with a thermos of tea watching the stars as you talk. Or perhaps creating a mountain of popcorn and watching your favourite series of films back to back in your underwear. It can be whatever you want, as long as it gives you time to talk about your relationship, how you're both feeling, the future things you want to do together and just generally keeping that spark lit with the glitter of enthusiasm you first had.
Leading on from this point, one of the reasons marriages fall apart is because they fall out of love with the idea of the person their spouse has become, when in reality if they sat down and spent that one on one time together they would see that person they fell for when they first tied the knot and see that behind the stresses of daily life, deep down they are still the same person. Now don't get me wrong I'm not saying that a date is going to cure all marriage problems but a string of reasons that married couples fight and argue so much is all about losing that romantic connection and not feeling the same emotions that they did at the beginning.
So make sure that you are always either doing things you both want to do, or rotating between your choice and their choice each week to keep things fair and happy on a middle ground. As you may not want to be doing anything fancy or over the top, it could be as simple as taking a walk along the beach at night and sitting down with a thermos of tea watching the stars as you talk. Or perhaps creating a mountain of popcorn and watching your favourite series of films back to back in your underwear. It can be whatever you want, as long as it gives you time to talk about your relationship, how you're both feeling, the future things you want to do together and just generally keeping that spark lit with the glitter of enthusiasm you first had.
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